Not fun for the whole family.
It's hard to overemphasize the importance and value of quality kid-friendly entertainment. Striking artistry and positive morals are more important than ever in formative years, and the best of these films bring people across generations—and perhaps most importantly, families—together.
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From timeless classic Disney animation like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs to the modern golden age of Pixar, to live-action masterpieces like The Wizard of Oz and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, such movies are worth their weight in gold. There are also truly awful kids' movies out there to be sure, and if anything they seem more cynical and less forgivable than bad movies aimed at grown-ups. It's arguably a responsibility of filmmakers with resources to expand children's imaginations and dreams, not numb them. According to critics on the Tomatometer, these are the absolute worst family and kids' movies ever made. Yes, Mac and Me is on here.
One of the most infamous stinkers ever certainly lives up to its reputation. Half a decade after E.T. became the highest-grossing movie of all time, Coca-Cola and McDonald's ripped off its plot, poster and marketing for a feature-length advertisement for their products. Mac and Me absolutely has so-bad-it's-good value, most famous to general audiences thanks to a long-running Paul Rudd gag on late night. The gag has run for years and years; it's still funny.
There's no way of sugar-coating that Mac and Me is wretched, as bad as E.T. was good. There's the frightening visual effects, the shameless commerce that is the story rather than incorporated into it. Cops shoot a disabled boy to death near the end. It's unreal. Netflix's meh reboot of MST3K did a meh riff a few years back, but honestly the stupefying Mac and Me is best experienced firsthand. Maybe it's a cautionary tale, maybe it's a historical artifact. It is garbage. How did this score a 7?!
Oof. It's really important to remember how good Tim Allen can be in the right project. His performance in Galaxy Quest is downright masterful, hilarious and touching. He has no chance to show off his formidable, often underrated chops in this infamous X-Men ripoff alongside a similarly wasted Courteney Cox.
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Zoom is slipshod, and hideous to look at, with many Uncanny Valley CGI moments that might make viewers say, "The power of Christ compels you!" or something of the like. It's also unfortunate to see Kate Mara, a fine and versatile actress, amidst the chaos.
In one of his last roles before his death in 2008, comic genius George Carlin lent his voice talents (alongside Sarah Michelle Gellar, Andy Dick, Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sigourney Weaver) to a corner-cutting production that twists classic fairy tales, ostensibly based on a German kids' show, though it's really just attempting to hock the magic of Shrek to no success.
If the topic is great family films, let's not forget how fresh, admired and influential the original Shrek film and its immediate sequel were. Happily N'Ever After has none of the wit, none of the tenderness; the animation looks like Microsoft Paint, too.
A film of weird alchemy that worked extraordinarily well, John Hughes and Chris Columbus' risky Home Alone was a box-office leviathan, and it made talented young star Macaulay Culkin a household name that all of Hollywood wanted a piece of.
Unfortunately, the young star's gifts were largely squandered on trash (have you seen The Good Son?) throughout the early 90s, perhaps nowhere more than here, where he plays a con man (Ted Danson)'s estranged son, determined to teach pops a lesson about the joys of father-son bonding, through blackmail. Not a moment rings true.
Baby Geniuses is, and this isn't any kind of exaggeration, a disturbing experience. Blame the Uncanny Valley effects, the exhausting assault of diaper jokes, the shock of seeing a magnetic, iconic screen presence like Kathleen Turner in a mess about an evil billionaire capitalizing on baby talk, myriad other reasons. Talking toddlers worked like a charm in the animated Rugrats (enormously popular at the time). In live action, it's about as freaky as Suspiria.
Today, many observers look at 1999 as one of the greatest years in the history of cinema. And a lot of people also consider Baby Geniuses the very worst movie of that year.
Daddy Day Care was a critically unloved but financially successful comedy starring Eddie Murphy as a father who spearheads a day care after he's laid off. The feature directorial debut of Fred Savage, the sequel stars Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr., without Murphy. Free of laughs though laden with wall-to-wall bathroom jokes, this is a reminder that there is only one Eddie Murphy. As if audiences needed one.
Daddy Day Camp was demolished by critics, and grossed a little over a tenth of its predecessor's haul in theaters. There is a third film, all but virtually unseen Grand-Daddy Daycare, starring Danny Trejo from 2019. The mystifying powers of brand recognition.
A film that simply wreaks of cynicism and meanness veiled as humor, a film that seems to have a low opinion of children in general, Problem Child marks the directorial debut of frequent Adam Sandler collaborator Dennis Dugan; it's about a wacky couple that adopts a child who pretty much turns out to be the antichrist. Many parents were vocal in objection to the film's crass, potentially hurtful comments about adoption (censored when the film airs on TV), while animal welfare advocates objected to an infamous image (a cat stuffed into a dryer) on the eyesore lobby card.
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Despite a universal beating from critics, the film was success in theaters, as well as on home video and television. An abysmal franchise ensued. The immediate sequel boasts an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. The third installment went to TV, with no critic ratings on the Tomatometer.
Here's the answer to that ages-old question: What in the hell do you get when you take the most iconic ballet, take out some of the music and dancing, and replace that with gritty war violence, Nathan Lane as Albert Einstein, awkward pop lyrics, some bad acting, anthropomorphic rat Nazis and their robot dog henchmen?
Roger Ebert said: "From what dark night of the soul emerged the wretched idea for The Nutcracker in 3D?"
Oof. The worst movie of one of the best years for cinema ever, 1999's Baby Geniuses was a critically panned exercise in misery. The 2004 sequel (it's probably worth mentioning 2004 was also an uncommonly strong year for great film overall) is considerably worse.
More Uncanny Valley effects that will haunt your nightmares, halfheartedly crude gags and phoned-in adult performances are just a few of the noteworthy offenders in this groaner about enhanced toddlers trying to thwart a media mogul (Jon Voight)'s nefarious scheme to alter minds.
A far, far cry from the 1940 Disney masterpiece (arguably the best animated movie ever), Roberto Benigni's follow-up to Oscar-winning if divisive Life is Beautiful comes off as a vanity project that should have been nipped in the bud.
The hero's journey of a young wooden puppet boy earning his stripes is incredibly touching when it's told right. Here, with a grown man, it's off-putting in the extreme. Repellent, even. This is even worse than the ghastly recent Disney live-action remake. Unthinkable, but true.
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Editing/writing automaton. Los Angeles via Tennessee. Bylines @parade, collider, instinct + and Forbes called me a "sneering critic" because I hated Don't Look Up. I curated a list of the 100 best movies ever made, mostly while I had a Golden Retriever named Mister Chow on my head. I just got Letterboxd and I have no idea how it works.
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